hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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