if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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