I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
