speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
