I'm going to jail i love you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's like heaven, but drunker
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
