So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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