She is in my trunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
