I have demons in me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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