Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
God I need to hump something, right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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