After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
