I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
