Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
