Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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