So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
