I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
