did you get engaged???
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
