dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize