I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
