Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
