I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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