If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
