There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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