Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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