..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
