hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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