By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
