So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
