she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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