i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
