I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
