Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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