Non-Jews are for practice
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
