I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
