I hate all girls vehemently.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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