Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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