Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
