I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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