dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
