what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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