then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We have so much sex to catch up on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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