guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
