Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
