onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
