apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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