I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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