There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
