Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
