It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
