I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
