i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
