He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
