Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
