This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize