Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
