Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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