im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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