i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
