M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know her cup size but not her name....
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