i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
