Soap is not a condiment
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize