I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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