i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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