Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
