If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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