I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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