If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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