PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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