I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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