We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
