so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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