You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
